• ArGoll - Lost Mind

    I've always had a habit of rembering dates. People's birthdays, occasions and so on. So I remember the date when I first fell ill, the beginning of this. Or I guess just the date it became a constant thing. The 26th of September, a Sunday, 2010.

    I'd always been ill, every few months it seemed there was something different. January, I suffered with severe headaches for about 8 weeks, I had blood tests and they couldn't find anything wrong so I was put on two different types of strong painkillers but nothing seemed to work. As time went on they seemed to fade to a less constant pain and I thought nothing of them.

    In May I came down with sudden pain down my left side and as my mum had a stroke many years before , she took me to A & E just to be sure of what was wrong. Again they were never really sure, after three days in hospital they discharged me and I was put as an outpatient for a few weeks in physotherapy so that I could regain more strength and less pain in my left arm (where the pain mainly was). As the weeks went on, that too faded.

    Then, at the end of September, I was very tired one afternoon, and so fell asleep for a few hours, thinking nothing of it. When I woke up, I felt weak and exhausted. The week that followed was no better and I was unable to leave the house or go to College for the first two weeks. I visited the GP non stop, as my family continued to search for reasons for this unusual illness. As when anyone is ill, everyone else seems to become a doctor. My mum had suffered with M.E. for 8 years after she suffered the stroke, and it not once entered my mind that I could suffer with the same illness as I knew it wasn't hereditory. So I was told after the second week of being ill that I might have Glandular Fever as I had shown signs of having an infection. I was put on antibiotics but after I finished them, there was still no change.

    Several blood tests and painkillers later I was refered to a specialist of Endocrinology but was told I would have to wait 26 weeks before I could get an appointment, I grew frustrated. I had a check up with the Nurse a week later, as it had been postponed weeks later than originally planned, as I was a new patient at the doctors who after seeing me, grew worried and had a word with the doctor about pushing me up the waiting list to see the specialist. I had pain everywhere, and when writing I have pain in my wrist and in my hands and arms. I've avoided going to bed at night until I knew I was at the point of falling asleep as some nights I would lay in bed for 3 hours before falling asleep as I couldn't think about anything but the pain. When I attempted to go to college, I barely made it before my legs would give way from pain and my head would be spinning. I felt so exhausted. Fortunately, my grandparents live not far from the college and I managed to make it to their house before breaking down.

    On one occasion , I had made it to a few streets away from the college before I found myself clutching the wall for support. I stumbled over towards my grandparents house and I found my grandfather taking the dog out. As soon as I saw him I broke down in relief to see him. My entire body was in pain and I had so little energy that walking was difficult and near impossible.

    I managed to see the Specialist on the 15th of December, and went to the appointment with my mum and nan. After being examined and talking to the doctor about my symptoms and the previous 2 months. We told him that my mum had M.E. for 8 years, (which is why I doubted him when he eventually confirmed that I had it too) and he asked me 'What did you think it is?' To which I answered 'Not a clue'. I guess he was hoping I suspected I had the same thing as my mum, as I knew all the symptoms were the same, and even though I was young when my mum was diagnosed I can still remember everything. I must've blocked out the thought that it could be M.E. because it was incredibly unlikely and I remember what it did to my mum. I denied any possibility that meant that could happen to me. So when he said simply that I most likely had a form of M.E/CFS , I sat there clenching my teeth refusing to break down at the thought of what might actually be happening to me. He ran some more tests, the last two that I was yet to have, but he said If he was a betting man, he would bet they would come back negative.

    Two weeks later I recieved a letter 'happy to inform me' that both tests were normal. A few weeks after that I made an appointment with the GP, and now I'm on painkillers and am being referred to have some CBT ( Cognitive Behavioural Therapy). Over the past few months I've been quite down with being ill, and it seems I cry constantly lately. So hopefully with the CBT, at least part of this whole thing will improve. I've had to drop two of my A level subjects as I can't keep up with attending college and the work with being ill, and I've had to move my exams forward a few months until I have a better grasp on this.. thing.

    One day I'm even hoping I can get to deal with it.