When I was young, I was a gymnast. I spent 10 hours a week in they gym. I was always on the go. Then when I was 9, I got mono. Then I got it again. Then I would catch bugs like I was fly paper. After a few years of getting strep throat like every other week, finally my tonsils were taken out. I felt amazing! But I knew something was still wrong. Within three months my health was shot to H.E. double hockey sticks.
I couldn't get out of bed. I was sleeping 18-20 hours a day. None of my Doctors could figure out what was wrong. "All her tests are normal", they said over and over again. I had to drop out of school. My Mother was the one who diagnosed me with CFS. She had clients who had it and recognized the symptoms. Thankfully, a doctor diagnosed me when I was 11. It's been 6 years and I'm loads better. Unfortunately just not better enough. I still can't go to school. Gymnastics happens only in my dreams.
I still get sick too much, and am extremely tired. I think one of the craziest things about this illness is that even when my eyelids are too heavy to open during the day, I can't for the life of me fall asleep at night. Cruel joke, eh? My brain fog has been a huge obstacle in my life. My memory is like swiss cheese. My body is like a noodle. My head pounds. My throat hurts. My heart races going up the stairs and I can't catch my breath.
Sometimes I'm too tired to even brush my teeth. Sometimes even being patted on the arm makes my muscles erupt it pain. Yet if I had a magic wand that would erase the past 6 years, I wouldn't do it. Of course I want to be well, but I feel like I am a better person because of my struggle with CFS. I have spent years of my like so angry, and sometimes I still am. I do my best though to make what I do have enough. I am so grateful for all the improvement that I do have. And all the opportunities my illness has given me. The only way for me to get through this is my belief that everything happens for a reason, even if I don't know what it is yet. I'm just trying to find some balance in my unpredictable body.
Thanks for reading,
IndigoChild1307
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