• LucyJaneStentaford - Me, Myself And M.E

    All I can remember is a lot of blood tests and one day being in a white hospital room and hearing something along the lines of "your daughter has post viral fatigue syndrome/chronic fatigue syndrome." It didn't make any sense to me but I knew it was something bad. I felt hazy and not quite real. I would soon realise that this would be a familiar feeling to me.

    Before I found out what it was making my body feel not quite normal, I remember Doctors, school Nurses not believing any of what I was feeling was real, thinking I was afraid to go to school. One doctor said "be a good girl and go back to school for your mummy" and a school Doctor saying "Is your son going to get ill like this too and not attend our school?" Even a family friend tried to persuade my mother that I was acting it all. I remember standing outside the door listening to her and hearing my mum crying. I was so angry at everyone, especially myself. I was questioning myself, wondering if it was all in my head, but I knew it wasn't. I was only seven.

    Most of the time I didn't have enough energy to get out of bed, my muscles used to throb, I used to say "there's a heart beat in my legs or arms", luckily I don't think I suffered bad headaches like a lot of people. I used to go white, grey, and then yellow when I felt bad. My mum used to take me to get my brother from school in a push chair but when we got near the school, I got out and walked and we would pretend the push chair was for my brother. I never ever wanted anyone to see me ill or think I was weak; I'm still like it now.

    One school trip, my dad came along, I walked a little way then had to be carried the rest because I couldn't walk anymore. I felt so embarrassed even at that age. I didn't understand why I had to be carried when everyone else was walking just fine. I don't remember much about the next few years except doctors telling me I'd be better in a year, and then two, then five, then seven, then they just said 'one day'. I'm now 20 and I think these days I'm so used to feeling ill its just second nature so I just get on with it if I feel tired, blurry, achy and confused.

    My main symptom now is nausea after a bug about a year and a half ago. I've found this hard to live with and it has put me in hospital twice. I lost two stone in less than two weeks. Now I have a very sensitive stomach and a lot of foods make me feel very ill. On the up side I have to eat very healthy now, which I've always wanted to do!

    I've been through a lot of depression and anxiety since I was about 12, friends I think are the key to survival. There have been some nasty ones but I have some amazing friends now, they really keep me going. I managed to do one GCSE but didn't do that well so I'm going to be doing some online courses soon which I am looking forward to. I have learnt that although its been a very, very hard life there are still people much worse off so you have to make the most out of the little things. I hope one day I will be able to get a job

    Just keep positive as much as you can and know that there's going to be a lot of very hard times but there will be some nice times too! x